Re-injuring my knee in North Carolina by doing something pretty minor has convinced me that I need to see a doctor about it. Alisha was also shocked to see that this injury has changed my personality. I am not able to spring up and run around and do the things that I used to do. If I move at a rate faster than a walk, I start to feel pain. If I start a jog, I can feel definite instability around my kneecap. It’s like it’s rolling out of place. I’m cautious now, and constantly censoring my physical movements. As time goes on, it becomes more natural for me to lower my expectations for what I’m capable of doing. For me it’s become normal to move more slowly and carefully, but I am reaching a point at which I am ready to actively resist pain and disability as a norm. I don’t like the fact that pain is changing who I am. Cautious and slow is contrary to my nature, and I am ready to fight to be myself again.

On the other side of the balance is my aversion to doctors. I’m not sure why this is the case. My doctor is a great guy, actually. I haven’t seen him in at least 10 years, but I recall that he’s a generally nice dude. My doctor avoidance could be something to do with my general dislike for authority figures, and a doctor is a pretty big authority figure. He can tell you what to do with your own body. Of course, you can choose to ignore or reject that authority, but if you do that–just like with any other authority–there may be consequences.

Anyway, I have an appointment for Monday morning.  Cross your fingers for me that no cutting will be required to fix this…