Today got off to a very disturbing and unusual start. First of all, I woke up from some pretty horrible dreams. It took me back to the time when my mother died of cancer. It was a very unhappy time. It was even more unhappy in my dream when somehow it turned out to be my fault that she died. In the dream, she was still alive. For some reason, I was in a mall, buying a coffin for her. It was heavy, and there was no one to help me with it, so I pushed it on the ground, all the way home. I can still hear the sound the coffin made sliding over the slate tiles in the shopping mall. I remember being worried that the bottom of it was being scraped by the bits of gravel and dirt on the floor. By the time I got home, she was gone. My sister explained that she had gone downhill since the computer I had built for her broke, and because I wasn’t there to fix the computer, it caused her to die. I woke up from this dream feeling very strange, and didn’t want to go back to bed, even though it was very early in the morning.
I didn’t feel hungry for breakfast either, so I went to the gym without eating. That was probably a mistake, since I was planning a fairly tough workout. I missed Tuesday morning at the gym, so I had to make up for it. If anyone else reading this does weights, try this: 2 second positives (lifting) and 3 second negatives (returning to neutral). It’s a great way to build discipline in your form, and it prevents you from cheating by using your momentum to lift the weights. I also spent a lot of time hitting the punching bag and riding the recumbent bike. I spent extra time in the sauna too. By the time I got back to the office, I felt really worn out. In fact, I was so tired that I couldn’t get my eyes to focus on the computer screen. I had something to eat and that seemed to fix the problem. It’s never happened to me before, and I was kind of worried it might be a sign of diabetes or something. Anyway, I don’t have any of the other early signs of diabetes, so I think I’m in the clear. The problem of not being able to focus can be caused by extreme fatigue and dehydration. I’ve got my fingers crossed that that’s all it is.
I wonder what decides on the kind of dream you’re having. I mean I definitely heard people say “i’m in a bad time in my life and i’m so stressed i see all those horrible dreams” Does themood of the dreams depend on your general mood? Were you thinking about your mother the day before? You would think that memory is somewhere deeper down in your memory…
And the workout… we trouly don’t learn on other people’s mistakes do we?
I just told you a few days ago how i didn’t eat and then worked out and nearly fainted so you decided to try it on yourself? nice
since we moved to canada both me and mom started carrying around bottles of water with us just becasue “we feel like taking a sip once ina while” dad said it’s all crazyness and that it is totaly a sign of diabetes. hehe And considering your special relationship with drinking water… *lick8
no, i’m not actually scarying you, i’m just blablahing
Just balance your workout and food the same way you balance fun and work in your life (you seem to be especially good at this)
hehe… yes. i attribute the scariness of the dream to the movie “igby goes down” (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0280760/) that i watched the other night. it’s a very disturbing film, with a scene about the death of his mother. it definitely affected me. and yeah… i barely learn from my own mistakes let alone those of others! 😛
I dreamt of a guy at work scratching the back of his knees because he ate something bad.
I hate this guy and this is not even his fault.
it’s jus because I hate this work. I won’t go during 10 fays the doctor said, I’m too depressed. strange, but when I took pictures of horses tonight, I was not.
My conclusion is that my job should be to take blurry horses pictures.
talking about your mother, i often dream of my brother and i’m so happy that he’s not dead, in my dream. I wonder why I thought he was, we talk as usual. ans you know what : when I wake up, ok he’s still dead in real life, but I feel like I had news from him so I’m better. just like when long, long ago I could not have all the girls I wanted. sometimes i used to dream i had sex with them, and the next day I used to look at them with satisfaction.
Of course in my dreams I do no kill him just like you killed your mother in yours because you bought her a microsoft thing and not an apple. this is really bad.
take care of yourself..it’s very important…but i’m sure u know that;)
just makin sure 😀
:S oh boy… what a nightmare, very…depressing. wonder whta caused…i don’t realy think dreams or nightamres mean anyting usually but sometimes they’re related to our hopes and fears and just normal daily stuff… anyway, that health thing too…i dunno but sounding from where i am, reading several of these blog entries one after another, it sounds liek u’re stressed and tired, like u really need a vacation. i think when u’re tired and a lot of things are pressing u and u see nightmares and then go kill urself at the gym no wonder u’re seeing things (or, in this case, not being able to see)…
i hope u get better *hugs*
jen