Today got off to a very disturbing and unusual start. First of all, I woke up from some pretty horrible dreams. It took me back to the time when my mother died of cancer. It was a very unhappy time. It was even more unhappy in my dream when somehow it turned out to be my fault that she died. In the dream, she was still alive. For some reason, I was in a mall, buying a coffin for her. It was heavy, and there was no one to help me with it, so I pushed it on the ground, all the way home. I can still hear the sound the coffin made sliding over the slate tiles in the shopping mall. I remember being worried that the bottom of it was being scraped by the bits of gravel and dirt on the floor. By the time I got home, she was gone. My sister explained that she had gone downhill since the computer I had built for her broke, and because I wasn’t there to fix the computer, it caused her to die. I woke up from this dream feeling very strange, and didn’t want to go back to bed, even though it was very early in the morning.
I didn’t feel hungry for breakfast either, so I went to the gym without eating. That was probably a mistake, since I was planning a fairly tough workout. I missed Tuesday morning at the gym, so I had to make up for it. If anyone else reading this does weights, try this: 2 second positives (lifting) and 3 second negatives (returning to neutral). It’s a great way to build discipline in your form, and it prevents you from cheating by using your momentum to lift the weights. I also spent a lot of time hitting the punching bag and riding the recumbent bike. I spent extra time in the sauna too. By the time I got back to the office, I felt really worn out. In fact, I was so tired that I couldn’t get my eyes to focus on the computer screen. I had something to eat and that seemed to fix the problem. It’s never happened to me before, and I was kind of worried it might be a sign of diabetes or something. Anyway, I don’t have any of the other early signs of diabetes, so I think I’m in the clear. The problem of not being able to focus can be caused by extreme fatigue and dehydration. I’ve got my fingers crossed that that’s all it is.